So Its Been Roughly a year and seven months sience I lost my father... Its been weighing on me lately, mostly because Im happy... I mean its illogical after such a tramatizing thing to swear that you would never be truly happy again right? I still feel as tho im wandering lost still.. but Im 20 and how Im supposed to be... For some reason I need him to confirm this for me.

I met alot of People over the past year or so..I started a dull shit job but it pays well..well as well as a " im living pay check to paycheck" job can. I lived about 7 different places, with several different people and sadly to say I didnt treat my body with have the respect I should have...as in I cant count the people Ive fucked in that time, I learned alot about everything. Mostly about my self. I dated a guy who beat me, and was the 3rd party in an affair then I met a bunch of swinging Hippy's and havent really got out sense.

Ive learned but the compassion that people posess, I also learned that it always comes with a price. Also Ive discovered that Im one of the better people on the planet..witch is sad...cause im not that great of a person. I guess I have the balls to admit it tho.

I Cassandra and I am a mess. and I really enjoy how no one is noticing, These people that I have built realtionships with cant evan tell when im off kilter...well either that or they are to wrapped up in them selves to see past it. But this is teaching me too, Ive learned that I have to be self sufficant to survive, despite what everyone says " we can make it togather" blah blah bullshit, Think about it...There's a flood, a Zombie attack whatever way u want the world to end its happening are u gonna save yourself? Fuck yes, its human fucking instinct...ur grilfriend is gonan mean alot less to you when shes just a dead weight that u have to carry around as the water is rizing...Yeah.

Man I really dun where im going with this... Oh I know.. Im going on lunch..