Do you know, that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems far away
So can you come and make them disappear
Make them disappear and we can stay...
Monday, July 2, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Thursday, June 14, 2007
A Love Story
So One Day a long Time ago Cassie had a MySpace account and Played on it all the time, The wasnt really looking for anything just compliments and something to do on her LOA. She had Been seing this polygamus Frenchman who had had a gret affect on her way of thinking, mostly because Cassie is vunerable and confused and this way seemed easy, not that he had ever taken advantage of her, that was just what she needed at the time. It went well and She enjoyed her time with him, but she didnt feel right, she still felt that constant emptyness and like she was lying to herself still. Just a new Lie.
In the mean while Cassie's Close friend had fell in love with a boy who lives very far away as Cassie was paking to leave to accompany her for a trip there, she was checking her MySpace and he had got a Chezzy little message from a long haird boy that Made her Smile. She messaged him back and got in a car for 17 hours, after she got to far far away she ran to a computer in Hope that the long haird Boy had replied. She in trun responded to this with jumping around the livingroom then composed her self and Messaged him back with her email in hope he would add her and that could communicate in real time.
The next day Cassie was sad, she didnt want to look desperate because she wasnt, bit she felt as if she needed to talk to the long haird boy and he hadent added her on MSN yet, So she wated a few more hours and messaged him on MySpace again, it didnt take very long b4 he messaged her back, he had added her but somewhow it didnt work right, so he gave Cassie his email and later on that night they were talking. Thay had things in common and he unknowly had Cassie to the verge of explosion, wating by the computer for him to sign in [mind you far far away was very boing and there was nothing else to do]. Cassie was so far away from this long haird boy she had never met and all she wanted to do was get home to not so far away and meat him. Eventually when a big scary storm had come and past She decided to leave and go home.
Cassie was home 27 hours later and slept for a whole day, then she told her friend she was back and begun making palns, it was a saterday and she hoped that the long haird boy would come online, and he did. he told her that he was going to a show downtown later that night, and Cassie's brain stared buzzing as she re-adjusted her plans for the evening to ensure running in to the boy.
Across the River and down to the void she went do prepare for her evaning and meat with the
Bohemian multi lingual and the drunkard and head off on her joureny.
As They are walking down town she sees The long haird boy walking up the street, his hair moving with his steps and his leather jacket shining in the streatlights, she took a breath and continued on to the bank hoping that he didnt have a change of plans.
About 20 minutes later Cassie and her friends arrived at the bar, metal blaring so lowd that you could hardly hear your thoughts she paid her cover and went to the bar, they baught them seves a picture and found a table. She could see the long haird boy sitting with his friend at a booth not that far away, she planned her encounter and finished her first drink and went out for a smoke. After going for a short mosh and another drink she made her way over to his table sat her drink down and leand over to him shouting over the music " Your Corey From my space right?" he looked at her for a second and replied " yeah..your Cassandra?" they stumbled over conversation about the band and outher things, both drinking fairly quickly, she was a bit nervouse cause he appeared to be all she imagened and she was hoping he was speed drinking for the same reasons.
Afraid to overstay her welcome she went to the bathroom and went back to drinking with her friends who had moved outside to prevent headaches, after returing to the bar when she went outside yet again to discover Corey leaning agaisnt the door smoking, something that he didnt look accostomed too, She knew that this was to speak to her again. She introduced her friends John and Keith learned that his friends name was Josh. She took carefull time so stand close to him and Make her intentions as clear as possible.
He was wearing a Misfits t-shirt under his leather jacket and hed the most amasing colored eyes, and he was so opinionted and out spoken she knew she had to see him again.
John and Keith were getting restless as a metal show wasnt really there secne and sice she came with them she knew that she should go with them, also leaving at this time would make her look as tho her finally meating the long haird boy wasnt one of the better moments in her life. Allthough months later she will learn that it was. So they headed off to the capital and drank her way to drunkeness. and headed on home, as she fell asleep with a slightly hammered keith accompanying her she drempt of her next meeting with Corey.She awoke to the realization the next day that she had a boyfriend allready, and Corey did not seem like the sharing type and wasnt quite sure what to do. Later Cassie went online in hope he would be there and he was, they planned to meat again in a few days.....
In the mean while Cassie's Close friend had fell in love with a boy who lives very far away as Cassie was paking to leave to accompany her for a trip there, she was checking her MySpace and he had got a Chezzy little message from a long haird boy that Made her Smile. She messaged him back and got in a car for 17 hours, after she got to far far away she ran to a computer in Hope that the long haird Boy had replied. She in trun responded to this with jumping around the livingroom then composed her self and Messaged him back with her email in hope he would add her and that could communicate in real time.
The next day Cassie was sad, she didnt want to look desperate because she wasnt, bit she felt as if she needed to talk to the long haird boy and he hadent added her on MSN yet, So she wated a few more hours and messaged him on MySpace again, it didnt take very long b4 he messaged her back, he had added her but somewhow it didnt work right, so he gave Cassie his email and later on that night they were talking. Thay had things in common and he unknowly had Cassie to the verge of explosion, wating by the computer for him to sign in [mind you far far away was very boing and there was nothing else to do]. Cassie was so far away from this long haird boy she had never met and all she wanted to do was get home to not so far away and meat him. Eventually when a big scary storm had come and past She decided to leave and go home.
Cassie was home 27 hours later and slept for a whole day, then she told her friend she was back and begun making palns, it was a saterday and she hoped that the long haird boy would come online, and he did. he told her that he was going to a show downtown later that night, and Cassie's brain stared buzzing as she re-adjusted her plans for the evening to ensure running in to the boy.
Across the River and down to the void she went do prepare for her evaning and meat with the
Bohemian multi lingual and the drunkard and head off on her joureny.
As They are walking down town she sees The long haird boy walking up the street, his hair moving with his steps and his leather jacket shining in the streatlights, she took a breath and continued on to the bank hoping that he didnt have a change of plans.
About 20 minutes later Cassie and her friends arrived at the bar, metal blaring so lowd that you could hardly hear your thoughts she paid her cover and went to the bar, they baught them seves a picture and found a table. She could see the long haird boy sitting with his friend at a booth not that far away, she planned her encounter and finished her first drink and went out for a smoke. After going for a short mosh and another drink she made her way over to his table sat her drink down and leand over to him shouting over the music " Your Corey From my space right?" he looked at her for a second and replied " yeah..your Cassandra?" they stumbled over conversation about the band and outher things, both drinking fairly quickly, she was a bit nervouse cause he appeared to be all she imagened and she was hoping he was speed drinking for the same reasons.
Afraid to overstay her welcome she went to the bathroom and went back to drinking with her friends who had moved outside to prevent headaches, after returing to the bar when she went outside yet again to discover Corey leaning agaisnt the door smoking, something that he didnt look accostomed too, She knew that this was to speak to her again. She introduced her friends John and Keith learned that his friends name was Josh. She took carefull time so stand close to him and Make her intentions as clear as possible.
He was wearing a Misfits t-shirt under his leather jacket and hed the most amasing colored eyes, and he was so opinionted and out spoken she knew she had to see him again.
John and Keith were getting restless as a metal show wasnt really there secne and sice she came with them she knew that she should go with them, also leaving at this time would make her look as tho her finally meating the long haird boy wasnt one of the better moments in her life. Allthough months later she will learn that it was. So they headed off to the capital and drank her way to drunkeness. and headed on home, as she fell asleep with a slightly hammered keith accompanying her she drempt of her next meeting with Corey.She awoke to the realization the next day that she had a boyfriend allready, and Corey did not seem like the sharing type and wasnt quite sure what to do. Later Cassie went online in hope he would be there and he was, they planned to meat again in a few days.....
Lie and Smile to Get Whats Mine.
Clever got me this far
Then tricky got me in
Eye on what i'm after
I don't need another friend
Smile and drop the cliche
'Till you think I'm listening
I take just what I came for
Then I'm out the door again
Peripheral on the package
Don't care to settle in
Time to feed the monster
I don't need another friend
Comfort is a mystery
Crawling out of my own skin
Just give me what I came for, then I'm out the door again
Lie to get what I came for
Lie to get what I need now
Lie to get what I'm craving
Lie and smile to get what's mine
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
So Its Been Roughly a year and seven months sience I lost my father... Its been weighing on me lately, mostly because Im happy... I mean its illogical after such a tramatizing thing to swear that you would never be truly happy again right? I still feel as tho im wandering lost still.. but Im 20 and how Im supposed to be... For some reason I need him to confirm this for me.
I met alot of People over the past year or so..I started a dull shit job but it pays well..well as well as a " im living pay check to paycheck" job can. I lived about 7 different places, with several different people and sadly to say I didnt treat my body with have the respect I should have...as in I cant count the people Ive fucked in that time, I learned alot about everything. Mostly about my self. I dated a guy who beat me, and was the 3rd party in an affair then I met a bunch of swinging Hippy's and havent really got out sense.
Ive learned but the compassion that people posess, I also learned that it always comes with a price. Also Ive discovered that Im one of the better people on the planet..witch is sad...cause im not that great of a person. I guess I have the balls to admit it tho.
I Cassandra and I am a mess. and I really enjoy how no one is noticing, These people that I have built realtionships with cant evan tell when im off kilter...well either that or they are to wrapped up in them selves to see past it. But this is teaching me too, Ive learned that I have to be self sufficant to survive, despite what everyone says " we can make it togather" blah blah bullshit, Think about it...There's a flood, a Zombie attack whatever way u want the world to end its happening are u gonna save yourself? Fuck yes, its human fucking instinct...ur grilfriend is gonan mean alot less to you when shes just a dead weight that u have to carry around as the water is rizing...Yeah.
Man I really dun where im going with this... Oh I know.. Im going on lunch..
I met alot of People over the past year or so..I started a dull shit job but it pays well..well as well as a " im living pay check to paycheck" job can. I lived about 7 different places, with several different people and sadly to say I didnt treat my body with have the respect I should have...as in I cant count the people Ive fucked in that time, I learned alot about everything. Mostly about my self. I dated a guy who beat me, and was the 3rd party in an affair then I met a bunch of swinging Hippy's and havent really got out sense.
Ive learned but the compassion that people posess, I also learned that it always comes with a price. Also Ive discovered that Im one of the better people on the planet..witch is sad...cause im not that great of a person. I guess I have the balls to admit it tho.
I Cassandra and I am a mess. and I really enjoy how no one is noticing, These people that I have built realtionships with cant evan tell when im off kilter...well either that or they are to wrapped up in them selves to see past it. But this is teaching me too, Ive learned that I have to be self sufficant to survive, despite what everyone says " we can make it togather" blah blah bullshit, Think about it...There's a flood, a Zombie attack whatever way u want the world to end its happening are u gonna save yourself? Fuck yes, its human fucking instinct...ur grilfriend is gonan mean alot less to you when shes just a dead weight that u have to carry around as the water is rizing...Yeah.
Man I really dun where im going with this... Oh I know.. Im going on lunch..
[F]orty[S]ix & [T]wo
I choose to live and to Grow,
take and give and to Move,
learn and love and to Cry,
kill and die and toBe paranoid and toLie,
hate and fear and to
Do what it takes to move through.
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